Writing has never been my strong suit. At most times, I grappled with writing slump and the distractions that life unfailingly presents.
But today, before the Year 2023 closes its chapter (Kathniel yarn? lol), I'm courageously sharing a piece of my life. A little nervous, but also empowered, as only a few are aware of this.
I used to keep everything inside, but now I'm opening up, and I hope this can help someone else going through a tough time like I did. Life can be tough, especially when you've lost someone, but I want to encourage others to find their strength and keep going, no matter what.
STORYTIME:
I had only worked for just eight months in my former company when they offered me an overseas opportunity during the pandemic's peak. Uncertainty loomed, but my mom's (BesNay) contagious enthusiasm encouraged me to step outside my comfort zone.
However, life paints a complex picture. I faced the heart-wrenching loss of my mother while I was in a foreign land for barely four months, followed by the passing of my senior dog (Lolo Shaggy) six months after the former's demise.
Losing two of my dearest, plus, magnified by the struggles of adapting to a new work environment, and grappling with its internal dynamics -- Anxiety and Depression found their way in.
But a year or so later, I returned home, within the same office walls that witnessed my life's transformation. I made a life-altering choice -- to step away from my job and focus on my well-being. This decision underscored the paramount importance of safeguarding my mental well-being.
Seeking this solitude drives me to avoid external distractions, firmly entrenched in my ghosting phase as well. For the CHOSEN ONES close to my heart, I'd like to extend my heartfelt apologies for not being present with all of you during this period. Just like what Dr. Gregory House said “I'm not fine as in fine, but fine as in you don't have to worry about me”. :)
I just felt the need to dedicate this time to gaining deeper self-understanding and I hope you understand. I trust that you're all doing well, and when circumstances align, I look forward to reconnecting with each of you. :)
Amid the uncertainty or armed with clarity, one truth stands resolute -- mental health is precious. In the thick of societal pressures, nurturing our emotional well-being becomes non-negotiable. It's a cornerstone that shapes the very essence of our existence. Seek help when needed, challenge societal norms, and embrace your journey unapologetically.
I trust I'm not coming across as "preachy" in my words but prioritizing your mental well-being is crucial. It's important to disregard any dismissive remarks from individuals who don't understand its significance, and using your vulnerable, open, and raw state to exploit your mental fragility through an insidious tactic known as gaslighting -- I think, unless they experience it themselves tsaka lang sila maniniwala or matatauhan.
My BesNay's impact has nurtured a profound realization that I have every right to belong here, regardless of my identity/orientation. She stood apart from those I know who, unfortunately, hold homophobic views -- considering they often claim to center their beliefs around Christ's teachings "daw". Unlike them, she recognized that the world is much broader and more diverse than their narrow perspective suggests.
She also told me that while careers, jobs, companies, or anything/one can change abruptly, they CANNOT replace our bond and fondness as mother and son (sige na nga, daughter na lol) forever. My yearning for her is profound -- super miss na miss ko na s'ya.
I am committed to consistently making her proud and despite the differences in our faith/s, I will treasure the belief that she's forever with me, though no longer here physically.
Perhaps in another sight, our paths will cross once more, and I eagerly anticipate that reunion -- and I would still choose her as my BESNAY ever repeatedly, without hesitation.
Okay, ang haba na nito, daming time? lol
That wraps up for now, as it could be quite some time before I return to blogging here again.
And for those grappling with their own struggles, keep living and moving forward whenever possible.
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